That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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