Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
