hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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