whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize
