don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
