Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize