do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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