Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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