When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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