it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
