I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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