okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
