Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
