alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
