This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
