God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
