just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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