shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
