I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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