ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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