We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
