yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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