She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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