I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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