no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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