sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
