That's intense
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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