two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
