I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize