is your mom at the bar?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
