my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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