should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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