I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
