I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
