my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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