You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
