I cut my penus on the lid.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
