That's intense
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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