Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The best revenge is premature balding
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize