I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
