Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
