My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
