So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
