he puts the penis in happiness.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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