I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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