I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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