it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
