Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
