I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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