I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
