So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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