Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
