I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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