I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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