The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
