hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
