so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
