I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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