I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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