maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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