a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
