moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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