Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
