I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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