What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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